Our Products and Services
Small Jobs
If you only need a few accessories or touch up work for your property, this is the place to start! Our entry level services will help make your property an eyesore without breaking the bank!
Random Debris
Our 'Random Debris' is perfect for touching up any property! We can find and place many different items around your property depending on your desire and theme. Old tires, junk lumber, broken appliances, ruined furniture, bits of glass (including both bottles and windows) can all be yours! Some of the 'premium options' include broken down cars and old refrigerators (with or without doors). NOTE-- not all premium options available in all areas, due to the illegality of certain items. Check with us for availability! NOTE-- we would never simply buy a couch to throw in your yard or on your porch... We painstakingly search for just the right couch to fill the niche of your property. There's no 'one size fits all' at Eyesore!
Yard Care
We have several yard-related services to offer, all of which are low cost, and major eyesores! The first is our Parking in the Yard service. We will wet down your yard, and repeatedly drive in and out of it with our trucks in order to create a well used, lived-in feel. Let the neighbors know that you will park wherever you damn well please with our Parking in the Yard service!
Another yard service we offer is garden upkeep. We have highly trained technicians who are ready to make your garden appear unkempt at a moment's notice! We can yellow your grass, leave broken limbs strewn across your yard, and even simulate animal wear by tearing out selected plants and leaving them on the ground.
Larger Jobs and Projects
For when you need to really let the neighborhood know that you own an eyesore, this is the tier for you! Our trained eyesore specialists will help make your property a major eyesore without breaking any local regulations. For commercial purposes, we recommend starting with the services in this category.
Exterior Work
If you need your property to have that true 'eyesore' feel to it, this is package for you! Included in this selection are things such as broken windows, half erected scaffolding surrounding your house, and poorly executed and unfinished paint jobs. The scaffolding/half finished construction project is a very popular option. You can leave your house looking like hell, and still pretend that you're actually planning on finishing at some unknown time in the future. Graffiti is another of our more popular services. The key to our graffiti that beats our competitors, is that not only do we spray really bad words and 'art' on your buildings, but we do a half-assed job of covering it up afterwards, so it looks even worse. If we actually sprayed good graffiti on your building, some people might begin to admire it for its attractiveness, and we wouldn't want that. Yes, we really do think of everything!
Parking Lot Work
A nice parking lot can help a business or property look clean and well kept, and since we all know that's not what you want, we're here to give you the parking lot you really want! Not only can we fill it with cracks and give it an irregular surface so that people have a hard time walking, but we can actively encourage the growth of grass and other plants in the cracks that we form. Your parking lot will definitely be at its worst when we're through with it!
Large Projects and Rebuilds
Our larger projects are recommended for commercial patrons, but they are available to the individual consumer as well! If you want to go all out, and let the world know that you own a real eyesore, these are the services for you. Keep in mind that many of our larger projects have gone on to become local landmarks known for their unpleasant appearances.
Total Rebuilds
For the house or commercial property that truly needs the eyesore treatment, this is the service for you. Why wait ten years for your building to fall apart, when we can accomplish the same in a matter of mere weeks? Total rebuilds incorporate most of the services described above (depending on location, etc.), and then some! You won't be disappointed!
The 'Complete Package'
This is for vacant lots only. We will come on to your lot, build a structure of very low quality, and immediately begin the ageing process. This includes every available option (once again, depending on your location), and is custom tailored to your situation and property holdings. You will not be disappointed with this one!
Pricing
Pricing varies, so to get an estimate, call or email us for more information on your specific case. Remember that if you already have eyesore materials on hand, you can save money over the cost of us finding and acquiring materials!
